Wednesday, February 4, 2009

learning to be lonely.

You know? What is there to say, really. It's February. There's piles of snow on the ground. We're still having single digit temps. You can't walk out the door with a body part uncovered or it will freeze in nothing flat. And DAMN, if it isn't depressing.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, and my conclusions rather disturb me. As in, it's finally occurred to me, after living by myself (with 2 brief exceptions) since 1986 -- it's bad for me to be alone. Not only because when I'm sick as a dog and can't be more than 2 feet from a bathroom, there's no one to run out to buy me Imodium and saltines, but because I tend to be really broody, and that's a bad thing when you're chronically depressed to begin with. My mind goes to all sorts of dark places without someone to bounce things off of and remind me that I'm not totally worthless.

I've always prided myself on my independence. It sucks to admit I need people!

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Now playing: Rebecca Rego - Mixed Rain and Snow
via FoxyTunes

2 comments:

Ye'he Sh'mey Raba Mevorach said...

damn. There's only so much companionship a virtual friend can provide. Wish I could be there. I wish a lot of things. My mom used to tell me, "If wishes were horses then beggers would ride." (It took me years to get beyond the word 'horses' because I was so crazy about horses, but that's another story.)

I'm as there as I can be!

CAC said...

I always get whiny-slash-morose between about midnight and 2 a.m. and should really just shut up and read or something, instead of whining....

And you're not a virtual friend -- we survived the horrors of suburbia together! :-) You're just not nearby at the moment.