Wednesday, February 4, 2009

you never know what's gonna stick.

In all the thinking I did while I was tossing and turning earlier instead of sleeping, I got to thinking about that which has formed me, for better or worse. Believe it or not, that led to thinking about state mottos. (Yeah, I'm weird. Don't you know that by now? :-)

I grew up in Kansas, the motto of which is "ad astra per aspera," or in an actual living language, "to the stars through difficulties."

What a helluva way to sum up my life to date. That's what I've always tried to do. My ability and my ambition have yet to match up, which has caused me great frustration. I've always thought I should be in a better place than I am, at this point of my life particularly. I had much higher expectations for myself. I beat up on myself a lot for being so far behind my peers, for opportunities squandered, for questionable decisions made. A lot of it was out of my control, but a lot of it wasn't. I wish I could relax and be happy with what I've got, but I feel like there's always one more hurdle to be jumped, and then, as soon as I jump it, another one pops up. Life is one endless hurdle.

After Kansas, I headed to Missouri (state motto: Show Me). Nuff said there ;-) -- anyone who knows me knows how stubborn I am.

For the last 12 years I've been in Wisconsin -- state motto: Forward. I wonder when I'm going to take it to heart. :-\

Now playing: Ingrid Michaelson - The Chain [Live from Webster Hall]
via FoxyTunes

No comments: